And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving.

You told the truth. You let your walls down, and you told me what you were really thinking. You told me what you were feeling.
I was terrible to you. I lied to you.
I was a coward. I was too scared and too selfish to tell you.
I knew you needed to know. I knew you deserved better.
But I was selfish.
I ruined you. I ruined us. I was horrible.
I am ashamed. I am humiliated. I can't stand to think of what I did.
It hurts so bad to accept it, but I have.
You don't believe that, but it's true.
I regret it every day, still. After almost two years.
I hate myself for it.
I lied to you. I am a liar.
I hurt you. But I was too scared to fix it.
I chose myself over you.
Every day for over a year and a half, I hurt you.
I waited almost two years to tell you the truth.
I knew it hurt you.
I knew, and I still didn't fix it.
I was terrible.
Now everyone just sees that you left me.
But I deserved it.
That is what no one knows.
My blog is all about me missing you.
That's all they see.
They don't see how horrible I was.
They have no idea.
I betrayed you.
I deceived you.
I lied to you.
I hurt you.
I chose me over you.
You should have left me long before you did.
And I am sorry.
I am sorry for every time you asked and I didn't answer.
I am sorry for every day that I didn't just tell you.
I am sorry for every time I lied.
I am sorry for every time you worried.
I am sorry for ruining honesty for you.
I am sorry for showing you what dishonesty is.
You deserve so much better than that.
And I know that you will find it.
I am so sorry.

And I am finally seeing why I was the one worth leaving.