You've justified why you did it..
You've finalized everything.
Now it's time for me to let go.

I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry.
I don't know how I could have been so careless.
You were so innocent, and vulnerable.
I crushed you.
I ruined you.
I'm so sorry.
I will never forgive myself for it.
I'm so sorry.

It's been one month, one week and six days.
I want you back.
My heart was torn in two, but those three days fixed it.
It was a makeshift bandaid, but it worked.
And now it is torn apart once again.
And I'm back at step one.
I'm back to crying.
Crying because I miss you.
Crying because you don't miss me.
Crying because I don't know what to do.
Crying because I want you.
Crying because you don't want me.
Crying because I love you.
Crying because you don't.
Crying because it hurts.

I just want your hair between my fingers again.
And your lips against mine again.
I want your arms around my waist again.
And you figure in my arms again.
I want you to be mine.
And I never want to let you go.

I sit.
I sit and I think.
I sit and I think and I remember and I cry.
I do this, and then I wonder.
How did this happen?
I do this, and then I wonder.
Do you ever feel this way?
This utterly helpless and sad.
I don't think you do, and I'm glad for that.
Because it's the worst feeling in the world.

I knew it was a mistake.

Surprise.
(:

Volcano Choir, I am in love.

Again and again, you draw me in.

You were inches away.
Not inches, centimeters.
Testing, waiting.
I failed.
I gave in.
I wanted it.
You wanted it.
You asked "Why is your heart beating so hard?"

Laying there with your warmth against me.
My heart thundering.
Your breath soft on my neck.
I couldn't help myself.
It felt right.
I felt so alive.

Afterwards, I struggled against my body's need for sleep.
I laid there engrossed in the familiarity.
I didn't want to fall asleep and wake up and it be over.
I wanted this to last.
I fought against my heavy eyelids and my shallow breathing.
I didn't want to lose this, not again.

I was home.

Crawling skin; itching to get out.
Racing mind; itching to be heard.
Eyes flickering on each object, itching to see new.
Focusing, in and out, far and near; itching to see beyond.
Hands disconnected from my body; itching to feel new.
I want away from here.
Out of this parallel universe and into the real world.
Take me North.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed.
When you get what you want, but not what you need.
When you get so tired, but you can't sleep.
Stuck in reverse.

And tears start streaming down your face.
When you lose something you can't replace.
When you love someone but it goes to waste.
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.

And high up above or down below.
When you're too in love to let it go.
But if you never try, you'll never know.
Just what you're worth.

Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.

Tears stream down your face.
When you lose something you cannot replace.
Tears stream down your face.
And I.

Tears stream down your face.
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.
Tears stream down your face.
And I.

Lights will guide you home.
And ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.

Are they just words?
Lines and sounds?
Or do they mean something to you, like they mean to me?
I think they do. I really do.

Don't fucking move.

'Cause everything you had
will go to shit.

And we've got a lot.
Don't you dare forget that.

You.

Don't you see?
Can't you see?

Don't you see that I'd give anything.
Don't you see that I would do it right?

Can't you see that I miss you?
Can't you see that I need you?

Don't you see that I am happiest with you?
Don't you see that I'd do whatever it takes?

Can't you see that I could be worth it?
Can't you see that we could have it all again?

Why can't you see...?

We spent the day together.
It felt like old times.

I was so happy at your house again.
I felt like I was home.

I wanted to stay so bad.
I felt like I was supposed to stay.

I didn't.
And here I am.
Home alone again.
Upset alone again.
Disappointed alone again.

And tonight,
I will go to sleep alone again.

I miss you. Don't you see that?

I search for the calm. This calm that James Frey speaks of in A Million Little Pieces.
I long for, want, need, crave this calm.
"I am quiet and empty. I am calm"

This calm is my serenity. It is simple, it is pure, it is real, it is true.
I am true.
I am real.
I am pure.
I am simple.

I am torturing myself.
I constantly think of her.
I have a raging battle that is nothing but ubiquitous in my mind.
"I am moving on." "How can I see her?" (Daydream about seeing her) (Realize that it would never be that way).

I want to be the kind of person that you would be proud to be with. I'm going to do everything I can to be that person. If you can deal with that, just nod. If you can't, just walk away. If you nod, though, I'm going to kiss you, right here and right now and right on the lips, and that kiss will be my pledge to you that I'll make myself better.